If you were here right now
not dead like you are
i would sit by you, but you're not here,
you're not here at all
tiny broken fingers in the doorway
how was i to know?
guess i didn't think those screams were for real
in a house where the tree fell
we spent all day in the branches
they came the next day
they took that tree away and made me cry
did you hear she saw demons in the bedroom
her lungs were broken
but then they worked fine
blue light comes around
blue light dont come around right now
you might not like what you see, be ashamed
2. the color that your eyes changed with the color of your hair
seal this envelope with a heart thats been
beaten black beaten blue
beaten all over again
don't leave out a single thing
send it off with wings
an anecdote to ease the pain that you feel
every time that you smile at the mirror
i wont need anymore memories
for the next 50 years i could still write you love songs
i wont need anymore photographs
to remember the color of the clothes you wore that night
hopefully this wont sound as bad
as im sure that it is
all results will be lifeless and lead
to an excuse
to never try again, to never try at all
staring up at the ground
because oh how you we tried
and oh how you lied
but how could that be true
i wont need anymoer memories
for the next 50 years i could still write you love songs
i wont need anymore photographs
to remember the color that your eyes changed with the color of your hair
my heart is gone
my heart is gray
3. halfway spoken heart that feels comfort in everything until it disappears and then its gone
hoping that the warmth of snow
will bring some comfort with its gray
false light will glow from the lamp
i will shade to hide the glare from your pale face
until it disappears and then its gone
sit so quiet, breathe so softly
waiting for the walls to creak
so you can finally let out a sigh
a breath that will illuminate the cell
and all of its shapes inside
the cold air
in the cold air
4. A loose hair falls into a glass of water without ice
if this is all part of some plan
if this is all part of some game
if this is some self affirming notion
if this is all exactly what i think it is
our phobias are the only conversation
i dont want to say anything right now
smoke gets in your eyes
and loose hairs fall into a glass of water without ice
it's giving you a stomachache
which comes as no surprise when you say that your head is throbbing
or how tired that you are
now loneliness has turned into a desperate thing
i dont want to think about that now
5. fear not my friend for tonight we ride
instrumental
6. blessed arms that hold you tight, freezing cold and alone
a doorway thats in between
wasn't me and it wasn't you
the airplane rewrote our histories
of freeways left to go now
hysteric screams coming out of the window now
blessed arms that hold us tight
freezing cold and alone
skeleton left the closet for a little while
i slept all through the day
all through the night
all through this year
all through this life
now cold arms pull the covers tight
and bad boring dreams all come true
and its all long goodbyes
death will come slowly now
wake up, pass out, fall down
comb your hair
take a long long look in the mirror
you smiled when you lied about all of your feelings
i hope to god none of this comes true
because one eyes is shut
and the other one is completely crushed
death will come slowly for you
7. all apologies and smiles, yours truly, ugly valentine
so their all gone now
that took a long time
you're the only one
who'd be my valentine
i didnt want that
to drive you crazy
i should've done something
i guess im lazy
feeling down low now
someone tell me what i should do
because i've never been perfect
but i never meant to drag down you so
if im dragging you down now
i could wait in the lost and found
just promise me you'll be perfect
and i promise that i'll come around sometimes
to say hello all smiles
maybe its time to let go
probably doesnt even weigh that much now
so i'll drop it
i'll turn around fast
i'll shake your hand and take
six steps back
we'll have a seat and light another cigarette
we'll have a drink for nothing to regret
we'll clap our hands when, when we hear that sound
we won't be sad now
we won't be feeling down
we could live or die
and have a great time
i'll be your valentine
what an ugly valentine
we could live or die
and have a great time
you'll be my valentine
what a perfect valentine
we could live and die be my valentine
8. the ghost of a dead hummingbird flying around the room
sold a penny to the railroad
nothing gained and nothing lost
kept it underneath the pillow
and sent it out to you for your thought
will you hold it close to your heart
or will you lose it the same day
will you through it in the well
to gently wish me away
do you really want me here
do you really want me to stay
do you really want me gone
do you really want to wish me away
the television glow will keep you
safe and warm when you're alone
and yuo won't be frightened by
ghosts of birds that fly around the room
and terrorize you flying
im wide awake now
your sound asleep now
and these valiums are finally kicking in
i can feel it under my skin
i can feel your breath on my breath
i can feel your heart on my arm
i can see the glow in the room
i can see the hummingbird fly away
now i can feel your weight in my arms
i can feel this weight on my heart
do you really want me to stay
do you really want me to go away
im wide awake now
you're sound asleep now
9. the part about the vine thats growing through the window and reaching towards my bed
read all the words upon the note
that you handed me so insincerely
what did you expect for me to say
when you had to ask how it made me feel
your handwriting was perfect
you spelled everything correctly
except for one small tiny thing
that i wouldn't mention anyways
so now by candlelight in my new bedroom
thats in the basement under the stairs
im writing you a letter 200 miles away
hope that it will reach you
some parts of it sound foolish
like the part about the vine
thats growing through the window
and reaching towards my bed
hope one night while i'm asleep
that vine will wrap all around me
to come and take me away
10. you should be at home here
if i could feel anything
it wouldnt feel at all like this
if i could wake anywhere
i wouldnt wake up at home
if i could hear anything
it would be your voice to say
you should be you should be at home here now
i dont feel at home at all
this is where i will sit
to pay for all the wrong i've done
this is where i will sleep
to pay for all the wrong i've done
this is where i will wake
to pay for all the wrong i've done
this is where i will think
about all the wrong i've done
hope your funeral goes as planned
and everyone falls all around you
bringing flowers to make a pillow
for your weary head
i wont be there when you scream
at all the voices all around you
saying the things you never ever want to hear about
i wont be there when you die
a thousand deaths for just one lie
it's amazing how you stay awake at all
i'll be waiting way down here
and i'll be waiting all alone
waiting for you waiting for you
all the rats and spiders
will probably laeve me here alone
just like everyone they've got something better
that they can do
everything that was to be
forgotten us and will be gone
everyone that was to be
now somehow all became a memory
